I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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