i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
