Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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