There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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