My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
