Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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