Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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