Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
