Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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