living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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