So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
