No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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