I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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