Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
