btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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