I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
