just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
