my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
