We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
