I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
