If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
