So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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