Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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