Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Send us your Text From Last Night!
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
