You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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