His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
