Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
