Texts From Last Night · rlynch's Favorites

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rlynch's Favorites Texts:

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(248): View more from Michigan

I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.

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(661): View more from California

Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.

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(714): View more from California

I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.

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(416): View more from Toronto

He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

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(804): View more from Virginia

...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

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(303): View more from Colorado

It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

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