Texts From Last Night · byrdman78's Favorites

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byrdman78's Favorites Texts:

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(734): View more from Michigan

who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.

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(702): View more from Nevada

HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!

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(406): View more from Montana

Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it

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(714): View more from California

Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame

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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.

(440): View more from Ohio

and SLEEP god I love sleep

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