you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
