she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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