How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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