This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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