U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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