This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
