I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
