So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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