so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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