hotel room ftw
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
