If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
