I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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