You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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