so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
