ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
