you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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