Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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