Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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