She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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