He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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