I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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