I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
