I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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