you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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