Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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