I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
