She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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